Growing up, I was one of three brothers. Beginning at the age of nineteen, my mom delivered three baby boys into the world in the space of three and three-quarter years. My family seemed like a normal situation to me at the time, but, after raising my own three, I don't know how she did it. When we were just children, she would occasionally have a fainting spell and wake up with amnesia. During those times she would believe she was sixteen. This happened, once, while Dad was at work, and she started walking down the road, in the general direction of Chicago. We were so scared. She was sort of sleep walking, I guess. She was talking to us like we were strangers, telling us she needed to get home. My dad's boss showed up at the house, and after he realized it wasn't a joke, he found Dad. But, she had started down our country lane, and as far as I knew she was on her way to Illinois. I was so relieved when he brought her home. We all were. She went to bed for a good nap, and that is the last time I remember it happening. After that I just remember she talked in her sleep a lot (about elephants, but that is another story). We didn't understand it, then, but I think I do, now. Sixteen was the last time my mom was a child. When she was seventeen, she went off to school. Then, she met my dad, eloped, moved from Chicago to the Mennonite farmlands of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and had a baby. I don't know what medical problems she was supposed to have had, but they had told her not to get married, and not to have children. I'm glad she did not follow her doctor's advice.
It seems like, one moment you're a kid, and the next moment the world happens to you. And you are not ready. You don't have any experience, and fear starts to gain a foothold. I was at a friend's house, once, swinging on his swing set (now, we would call it a play date). Somehow, I got tangled in it. If you can imagine, I am hanging upside down, tangled in the swing. My friend runs to get his mom, but it is a long way up to the house. As I am hanging by my legs and slowly twisting, I look up in the sky, and buzzards are beginning to circle me. In my child mind, this can only mean that I am going to die. As I am awaiting death, his mom shows up and untangles me. Of course, I was never in any danger. I don't know how I got tangled in a swing, or worse, how I didn't know how to get out of it. But, I still remember what happened. Just like I remember my mom becoming a sixteen year-old and walking out the door. It was like someone stole my childhood and every good thing that I didn't realize I was taking for granted until that very moment. Thank goodness, unlike many children, I got my childhood back a few minutes later.
My one-year old grandson, Judah, is here at the house with us right now. He is flirting with everyone, smiling at every stranger, wanting everyone to pick him up, exploring the contents of every drawer in the house. He is full of joy, and almost completely without fear. He is just starting to be concerned, when his mom walks into the next room. This morning, I was shaving, and I looked down to see him trying to move his mouth the same way I was. How do we end up such a mess, when we start out like him? I think it is fear that happens to us. We start to realize, sooner or later, that our wonderful cocoon of love is not a thing we can take for granted. Mom and Dad might not always be there. We find out there are rules that we don't like, but if we keep them, we can sort of get the cocoon of love back. These things have to be, but it is a messy process. The fear and the rules work together, and pretty soon we are looking out at the world through the eyes of fear and condemnation ("I am going to be punished for my bad behavior"). My daughter and I were talking about fear and condemnation, not long ago, and she told me a story. When she was fifteen, she was on the high school swim team. The coach brought in a therapist to help the athletes with mental focus. This man led them in a guided relaxation exercise, in which they were encouraged to clear their minds and imagine a peaceful setting. When she did this, something unexpected happened; Jesus came to her, dressed in white, in a beautiful background of color. You could call it a vision (see Joel 2:28). He said, "I am so proud of you." She thought, "I am not a good person, so how could this be? This must have come from my own mind." I think it is fair to say that it took her eleven years to receive what Jesus was saying to her.
The other day my wife and I had our two grandchildren and our one soon-to-be grandchild at the dinner table with us. The 10-year-old was acting like a 10-year-old. We scolded him with these words of wisdom: "The three-year-old and the one-year-old are behaving better than you." This did not help the ten-year-old's behavior at all. But, three-year-old Mason suddenly spoke up. "Thank you so much for the food, Grandma. May I please have some more." He continued to behave with perfect manners for the rest of the meal. What happened? While trying to discipline Ashton, I had accidentally praised Mason! I felt like I had discovered fire! I shared this insight with my wife and daughters. The next time Ashton misbehaved, my daughter said, "Ashton, I love you, and you are a good boy." And then she explained to him that she knew he could do (whatever it was that he wasn't doing). I watched the hurt and anger melt right off his face. A minute later, he hugged his mom and started acting with kindness.
We think God is angry with us, and it affects how we believe, think, and behave. But God does not even see us the way we see ourselves. God saw cowardly Gideon and called him a valiant warrior. He saw deceiving, manipulating Jacob and called him a prince. Was God naive? Did He believe a lie? No. God sees you, seated with Jesus, at His right hand. He sees what is true about you in the Spirit. He sees through the eyes of faith, and then He calls into being what had previously not existed. God doesn't begin at the starting gate with you, He begins at the finish line. Do you feel weak? God sees you strong. Are you overcome by a destructive habit? God says you are free. Are you ashamed of your past? God says you are righteous and pure, because He has already punished Jesus for all your sins. God says you already have everything Jesus has, because you are in Him. You say, "That sounds great, but how do I get there?" Stop thinking that God is requiring something from you, and start believing that He wants to give you peace, joy, and wholeness. My one-year-old grandson believes everyone in his family is a source of love, supply, and protection. He is like the "funnel" of love! Do you believe Jesus is your source, your healer, your shepherd? He wants you to believe and receive.
Do you know that "Peter" was a nickname that Jesus gave to His disciple? His real name was Simon. Both names are symbolic of the law of Moses. Simon means "he hears." It comes from the opening phrase of the law, which reads, "Hear, O Israel." Peter means "stone." Stone is a Biblical metaphor for the law, because of the stone tablets on which were written the Ten Commandments. Jesus said the Law was summed up in one command. It goes like this: "Hear, O Israel . . . You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might." This is what Peter said he could do on the night before His crucifixion. He said he was ready to die for Jesus, And you probably know the rest of the story, He had denied Jesus three times before morning. For many Christians, the greatest revelation is the greatest commandment, that you love God with everything you have. But beware of the outcome. It is a command you cannot keep. It is still just trying to keep the law, which always ends with a curse. Peter was a stone for your sakes, so that you could learn from his example. Your love for God is not the greatest revelation. Your sacrifice is not even what He wants. God's love for you is the greatest revelation: the love that caused Jesus to die on the cross for you. He wants you to open your arms and receive it.