I was asked by a good friend to explain the comment I made about being angry in my first post. He said I didn't seem like the angry type, and I am flattered. I was just comparing how I felt then to how I feel now. What changed? God did something wonderful in the life of someone I love. I would like to tell you about it, but I promised myself I would not invade anyone's privacy, except my own, with this blog. So maybe I will get that person to tell you about it sometime. What happened made me realize that God was looking out for me and for the people I love. God had shown kindness and compassion, when I was assuming His disapproval was in order. I realized that I had been walking around with a cloud over my head, thinking that I was not praying enough, going to church enough, loving my neighbor enough, avoiding sin enough, etc. for God to possibly be pleased with me. It was like there was a gap between God and me, and, someday, I was going to close it, but not just then. And, then, God closed the gap. And I realized that God was not actually angry with me.
Do you know how, if you sense someone is angry with you, then you get angry? So, this was deeper and more elemental than just outward anger. Everyone feels it. It is a sense of dissatisfaction and spiritual emptiness. Sometimes it spills out in short-tempered irritability. Sometimes it is condemnation. A lot of times you just keep it to yourself.
Once I knew that God's love was more than a general historical fact, but was true now for me, it started to change how I felt about everyone around me. I started seeking out things that made me more aware of His love. I started noticing things in my life that didn't help me feel that way, and I started shedding them. I started noticing that there were a lot of promises that God had given me in the Bible, including the promise to answer my prayers.
There is a story in Luke 19 about a tax collector from Jericho. The man's name was Zaccheus, which, ironically, means "pure" or "innocent," because he was anything, but. As a chief tax collector for the Romans, he was, by definition, a traitor to his own people and an extortionist. Jesus was passing though, with a large crowd surrounding Him. Zaccheus couldn't get a clear view of Him, because he was a short man, so he ran ahead and climbed a tree. I think the fact that he climbed a tree, rather than push through the crowd, tells you how isolated he was. He didn't have any expectation of being close to Jesus, because he was unworthy. He just wanted to get a look at Him. Jesus stopped at the tree and said something remarkable, which, even now, affects me deeply. He said, "Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house." Jesus invited Himself over for dinner! Zaccheus was overwhelmed. He was so overjoyed that it changed his life. The money that he had extorted, he gave away to the poor. He paid back the people he defrauded fourfold. I want you to understand the order in which this happened: first, Jesus loved him; then his life changed. Jesus said, "Today, salvation has come to this house, because he, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." I don't think it is an accident that his name means pure, because that is what he became.
You might think that is a great story about a bad guy who became good. But that story is about you and me. We were the ones who were isolated and unworthy, and He has called us by name and said, "I want you and me to be friends." Jesus loved you so much, He died for you. It says in Luke 19:6 that Zaccheus "received Him gladly!" That is all that you need to do. And, maybe, that can be your first answered prayer.